COMPLIMENTARY EYE GOUGE

You know it’s best

to dine before heading

off to the airport

Hunger pangs don’t mesh well

with the ennui

of a 2 hour delay

and you end up

in an overpriced airport bar

The beer will burn

a hole in junior’s college fund

and even the value items

are hardly that

You get a burger

to tide you over
for a 6 hour flight

and it will be decent

but never great

You ask for hot sauce

instead of ketchup

and it will be a generic brand

but the eye gouge is gratis

at least I always feel

like I’ve been gouged

COMPLIMENTARY EYE GOUGE | PostPoems

THE DRUNKENING: Schaefer, George: 9798830869256: Amazon.com: Books

MEMPHIS MINNIE

I kicked his ass

after he told me he never

heard of Memphis Minnie

I abhor violence

and yet still I must insist

it was the right thing to do.

In truth, it was a verbal asskicking but much deserved. A person at a blues festival bragging on how much he knows about the blues really oughta know who Memphis Minnie was.

MEMPHIS MINNIE | PostPoems

DELIGHTFULLY WEIRD: Not So Fancy Tanshi Vol. 1: Schaefer, George F: 9798808523722: Amazon.com: Books

SLIGHTLY LESS OFFENSIVE

and so then

I pulled

the old pour

a 24 oz. Blue Point toasted lager

from Patchogue, NY

into a 24 oz. XL Dunkin’Donut

Styrofoam cup

so I could conceal

my transgression

I could sit on the train

and sneak sips

while creating the illusion

of drinking coffee

any environmentalist will tell you

Styrofoam is evil

and not biodegradable

and I can’t argue that point

but at least I found a way

to make it slightly less offensive

and inspire warped verse

to corrupt our youth

SLIGHTLY LESS OFFENSIVE | PostPoems

ABOVE AND BEYOND

It was gonna be

a long ride

and the Lyft driver

needed to gas up her car

She apologized several times

I used my phone

to search for nearby gas station

one right along the way

before hitting I-95

It all worked out

We found the gas station

easy enough

it was a straight shot

and she fueled up the chariot

now chariot refueled

we made onto the highway

heading home

I was greatly amused

as she apologized again

It was a slight inconvenience

and a minor delay

I’d get home a few minutes later

and there was nothing good

on the Boob Tube anyway

save reruns of McFarlane toons

I greatly enjoyed the chat

and almost regretted getting home

It was a human situation

Anyone can be low on gas

She still got a 5 star rating

and a juicy tip

a rare “Above and beyond”

was allotted

Don’t give them out lightly

but this time

I felt it was earned

ABOVE AND BEYOND | PostPoems

JILTED LOVER

I lost the cadence

somewhere along the way

The pure word flow

dissipated into hazy memory

and left me standing 

at the altar

like a jilted lover.

words scribbled on a brown napkin made from recycled paper. Probably written sometime in the late 90’s.

JILTED LOVER | PostPoems

Choke the Chicken (or Auto Erotic Asphyxiation Gone Horribly Wrong): Schaefer, George F: 9798434885959: Amazon.com: Books

GREEN HAIRED LADY

The young lady

with the green hair 

& tattoos on her face

& a skeletal nose ring 

is laughing at my jokes.

She’s actually cute

but not as cute

as her dark haired friend

with the uncluttered face.

They’re both smiling

and laughing at my yarn.

I’m not sure

if they’re laughing at me

or with me

and I’m too afraid to ask.

I lean back

on the wooden chair

and sip my coffee

It’s a rather pleasant afternoon.

GREEN HAIRED LADY | PostPoems