HOW TO WIN FRIENDS WITH SALAD (a response to Homer Simpson)

They always say that no great story begins with “I ordered a salad.” You also have Homer and Bart mercilessly mocking Lisa with their taunt of “You don’t win friends with salad.” But I beg to differ on this short-sighted attitude.  I did recently have an evening that started off with a salad. Of course, uponContinue reading “HOW TO WIN FRIENDS WITH SALAD (a response to Homer Simpson)”

WORSE THAN COCK BLOCK

The bell ringsso someone bought the bar a round.You look up to politely acknowledgethe kind stranger. You have another shotYou go with J.D. The creative juicesare flowing and you feel inspiredGreat—or at least adequate—poetrymight be committed today but then you realizethere’s no ink leftin the pen you haveYou don’t want to draw attentionby requesting a pen. It’sContinue reading “WORSE THAN COCK BLOCK”

NURSE RATCHED WAS BAJORAN

How unsettling it was to finally realize that Nurse Ratched was a Bajoran.  You read the credits and it raises so many questions.  Someone points out the amazing coincidence and we all have to pause to say “Hmmm”   It clearly confirms Louise Fletcher as an acting legend and national treasure but then confusion reigns supreme.  So Nurse Ratched wasContinue reading “NURSE RATCHED WAS BAJORAN”

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT IT WAS SAFE TO DO POETRY AGAIN

I saw the best minds of my generation  destroyed by blandness MTV spoken word tour; sewn up vaginas; dismembered penises, poetry slams featuring dickless, cuntless verse spewed by genderless eunuchs all in the name of advancing pop culture for lamebrained, gutless pansies trying to rap out poems to the underage audiences running around pretending it’sContinue reading “JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT IT WAS SAFE TO DO POETRY AGAIN”

ASSHOLES AND BITCHES NEED NOT APPLY

As I waltz through my life whiling away hours, weeks, years & even decades I never found a shortage of certain undesirable sorts. There seems to be  an asshole lurking under every rock & a bitch to be found around any old corner. The cretins aren’t coming. They’re already here They appear out of theContinue reading “ASSHOLES AND BITCHES NEED NOT APPLY”