I always get people who worry about what kind of furniture or pieces of furniture, I have or don’t have in my apartment.  They say you need to have a coffee table or the chairs at your kitchen table should match.  I get the alarmed queries about what are people going to think.

I’m usually sitting there thinking, “What people?  Who am I inviting over all of a sudden that I have to worry about impressing?” I live alone with a dog.  There’s 2 people that need to be happy with the place.  One walks on all fours.

Anyone that is already a friend already knows I’m completely insane.  They probably won’t be alarmed.  If they’re offended by what pieces of furniture I have or don’t have, the dog will be happy to show them the door.  He’ll probably hump their leg first and then show them the door but that’s a story for another time.

This is like the people that are obsessed with making the bed.  They get panicked when I tell them that I rarely make my bed. And I have them hysterically shrieking at me, “What if someone comes over and the bed isn’t made?”

First off, I live alone so I pretty much control the flow of traffic through my apartment.  Second of all if you really must know, let me explain what will happen.  If someone comes over on a day that I didn’t make the bed and they find a reason to walk into the bedroom, they will most likely witness an unmade bed.

It probably won’t be the end of the world.  If they need to respect me less for it that is their prerogative.  But Hell, the way I see it, if you aren’t tough enough to handle witnessing an unmade bed, you probably don’t deserve to be my friend in the first place.  It’ll be no great loss if I never see you again.

UNMADE BED | PostPoems

Published by fuchebuyahoocom

poet, philosopher and comic. Philadelphia born but suburban bred.

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